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Professional Cynic: “No one is in a band” says Richard Osman. “Bollocks” says Jim Auton

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Professional Cynic: “No one is in a band” says Richard Osman. “Bollocks” says Jim Auton

On his “The Rest Is Entertainment” Podcast, Richard Osman made the point that there are no bands getting No.1 singles in the 2020’s. Yet he also said that no one is in a band. Au contraire.

“Essentially, no one is in a band, apart from all these Korean bands” says multi millionaire author and TV exec Richard Osman on his hugely subscribed podcast with Marina Hyde, that is hosted by a media conglomerate like Spotify. Therefore he is unable to make any slightly derogatory comment about music labels or big media as they may not sponser his podcast. Just the facts, Dicky, just the facts.

Because, yes of course there are bands, there are thousands, just no one gives a shit anymore, like Richard, unless they get signed by a management company he knows the CEO for. Or are on a major label with a huge marketing budget. There is far more brain numbing, mundane shit people think is interesting. The kids aren’t alright, they watch people playing video games on YouTube. That’s fucking nuts.

I like Richard Osman. He is a very funny, intelligent, self made successful man with a brother in a very cool, big 90’s band. But that doesn’t make him always right. And quite frankly it’s getting boring hearing the sympathetic point of view for the big names in the media. They don’t need defending. Like Spotify.

How about giving a shit about the little people? The band’s struggling because they don’t have as many local venues to play in. Who don’t get signed to labels because their social media numbers are below 50k. Who have shit day jobs so they can live, as independent labels can barely keep their heads above water.

Who cares which American solo artist that is No.1 in the singles chart this week. Does anyone really care about the charts anymore anyway? And is what’s big on streaming actually popular either? That isn’t really the point. It’s the perception. “There are no bands anymore”. Yeah there are Richy baby. Loads. Fucking tons of the fuckers, all working their arses off because they love it. That hasn’t changed. Just the music industry and peoples blinkered little lives.

Because of this, they have to play the shitty little game. Thanking Spotify or Apple or Amazon for getting them on a playlist. It’s really depressing. And the thing is, some of these young bands think it’s good. They don’t know what it was like, or what it could be like.

The thing is, as a 43 year old, looking in on this, it’s heartbreaking to see so many great bands scrimping and saving to survive and then thanking their paymasters for the scraps they throw them. Fuck you, Daniel Ek. These bands and artists say that they themselves discover great music from some playlists on Spotify. That’s great, but you’re being paid like you’re a slave for the work you have put in to make a brilliant song or album or film or whatever. You are licking their boots whilst they kick you in the face. There’s got to be a better way.

The irony is of course we’re all told that there’s so much choice now and you are able to access all this great music and yet you don’t. Open your fucking eyes and ears, Richard. And good luck with the Steven Speilberg film adaptation.

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  1. There are still many briliant bands, read about many of them on these pages!

    There are many reasons for a lack of bands in the charts, and his stats are interesting in one way. We are currently in a pop era, not a rock era. The charts are now compiled mostly on Spotify streaming stats which is dominated by big names and playlists, it largely skews towards pop, R&B and hip hop, and these genres are largely dominated by solo artists . Also those artists who get on big playlists or in the algorithms tend to be on major labels, so its self perpetuating, whilst playlists can be good for discovery very few bands or independent artists will garner enough listens or followers to break through via them. But it’s fair to say there are less bands are being signed or pushed into the mainstream. Music media has fragmented and so has listening in this era, so unless a band has a solid fanbase or are from the past(like some of the bands who have reached number one in the album charts in the past few years) it’s hard for them to sell albums.

    Also it’s more expensive than ever to be in a band when you factor in the costs of touring and recording, crap like Brexit and the decline in local venues, you’d need to take out a mortgage to tour Europe these days, and for what very little in return in most cases? The pitiful streaming royalty rates continue to be stripped away as platforms like Spotify pay their shareholders millions of pounds instead. It’s cheaper if you are a solo act and cheaper for a label to invest in one. Even acts that get 1000 streams get nothing from streaming, so it’s back to trying to get your fans to pay for merchandise or your records on bandcamp or buy your tickets, which is hard work. There are still brilliant bands out there they just aren’t being pushed beyond the independent level in the main, so you have to make a bit of effort to seek them out, and to be fair to Richard he sounds like most people he doesn’t have the time or look beyond the charts or the mainstream for music.

    There is a certain power and attitude to a band even if most don’t last or maintain a level, due to many reasons, I don’t mind if it’s a solo artist or band or act or whatever or whatever genre it is, as long as its good music. It’s part of the “streaming age” I think for better or worse. But you could extend it to most music though, these days only a handful of artists get most of the attention and make the most money, and most others are struggling… music has become super capitalist in that way. Finally music now has to compete with all sorts of other “dreams” and activities, for young people like becoming a influencer a youtuber or a podcaster or whatever is cool on TikTok (I’m probably too old to understand).

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God is in the TV is an online music and culture fanzine founded in Cardiff by the editor Bill Cummings in 2003. GIITTV Bill has developed the site with the aid of a team of sub-editors and writers from across Britain, covering a wide range of music from unsigned and independent artists to major releases.