If you’re going to chuck out an album containing within a track entitled ‘Deflowering The Maidenhead, Displeasuring The Goddess‘ it better be good. I’ve been to Maidenhead and the last thing I wanted to do was deflower it. Delouse and disinfect maybe but not so much of the jiggy.
So, is it? Well, it’s certainly a lively affair once we get going after after suitably named, doomy, gloomy string-lead opener ‘Walpurgis Eve‘. Gallops along at a fair old rate and probably isn’t the sort of thing Great British Bake Off are likely to be using as background music any time soon. Not unless Mary Berry goes rogue and the theme for the week is death flavoured sponge cakes with black icing and witch guts. Lots and lots of black icing. With fondant sugar-rats on the side.
Note: mutterings from stage-left whilst this is rattling along that Ms Berry may indeed be a secret fan of the band are thus far unconfirmed.
Away from all this frivolity it’s hard in fact to criticise this offering. Cradle of Filth exist within a sub-genre within a genre that breeds fierce loyalty. The template may not have been radically tampered with from previous offerings but then does it need to? I get excited about a slightly different hi-hat in a new tune but at the end of the day it’s still 99% the same as the last twelve inch Joe Bloggs techno producer put out so perhaps Hammmer Of The Witches really doesn’t need to reinvent the wheel.
Christ, when was the last hip hip record that seemingly came from planet unknown?
What we have here is eleven tracks from the Suffolk band that blast on through around sepulchral themes of nefarious deeds and whatnot. You may think the title relating to an historic treatise on the prosecution of the aforementioned witches from 1486 is a touch self-regarding but that’s rarely been a crime in poptopia and they did have that run in with the morality police over their “Jesus Is A Cunt” t-shirt. Roughly around the same year as well I believe. Been going at it a while with Mr and Mrs Filth’s son Danny being the only extant member from the early days.
As always with these things you do wonder how much they mean it man. As a teenage goth I was unpleasantly surprised to find out my idols were by and large kindly fellows who were nice to their mums. Sacrificing virgins didn’t seem too high on the agenda when not performing. But if it’s all make believe and fantasy Cradle of Filth deliver a fairly fecund version. The grimly menacing promo pics with make up straight out of Hammer Horror are fun if nothing else. And match the similarly snarling growls rampaging out the speakers all over the break-neck goth metal behind.
All good pantomime villain stuff and it’s hard not to love in many ways. Half-arsed, vaguely dark lyrical themes with a valiant string section sawing manically away and portentous melodies shooting left and right. With Animal from the Muppets going at it round the back. Some high speed authentic guitar noodling and it’s a froth-along over morning coffee. By the time the spectacularly titled ‘Right Wing Of The Garden Triptych‘ looms into view with its portentous vocals and ominous plinks and plonks it’s game over really.
Rollicking fun and an exceptional cure for a hangover. Or have birds on the roof needing scared off.
Buy if: you’re a sixteen year old who spends evenings in the woods prodding things.
Don’t buy if: you always preferred Sesame Street and it’s previously passed you by that the never-mooted link up between Marilyn Manson and Spinal Tap would be a marvellous thing.
[Rating:2.5]
