On the 25th of November this year, the “band that tricked the Internet into thinking they were good” Perfect Pussy and “Welsh Music Prize Winners 2014” Joanna Gruesome teamed up to release a humble 7” split with accompanying comic by Phil “Mad Magazine” McAndrew. This Astonishing Adventures record has reportedly arrived at a few poor enthusiasts’ homes bearing not the expected vinyl but rather the latest AC/DC release.
Here at God Is In The TV Zine we realise that some of you struggle identifying your contemporary rock. Do you regularly find yourself asking questions such as: what is a Fugazi, and how does it differ from a Marmozet? Are they not both small furry animals? Kin with the Perfect Pussy, perhaps? And are you a kindly benefactor of said Perfect Pussies and Gruesomes, and uncertain about the strange sigils on your latest record? If so, never fear for help is on its way. Following this paragraph are three easy steps help you identify the correct Perfect Pussy / Joanna Gruesome split. Hold on to your knickers. Here it comes.
STEP 1: THE VISUAL ACCESSORY Unfortunately for you, dear reader, both these records come with the same sleeve. The cover of Astonishing Adventures is a tempting sample of the enclosed comic of the same title by Phil McAndrew, in which the superhero Captured Crusader sheds her humble yet proudly enflanneled civilian identity Joanna G. to save the innocents of the world with the help of personal defence weapons and friendly, WiFi radiating plantlife. This issue is called “The Caped Crusader” and if you open the comic there – yes, that’s it, don’t strain yourself – you should be treated to not Bon Scott crotch shots but rather the scrawled, grimy tale of Captured Crusader’s battle against some loser with a laptop and a shifting IP address. They battle through city, jungle and musty bedroom to reclaim the Crusader’s slightly tarnished hatecrime fighting record and if you’re not laughing by page 13, perhaps you have the wrong record. If, however, the details above match your product and you are still not laughing by page 18, God Is In The TV Zine suggest you return your sense of humour instead.
STEP 2: THE GRUESOME ELEMENT A history lesson: AC/DC are a stadium rock outfit formed in SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA, in 1973, known in Australia as the early Acca Daccassic period (notable specimens such as the Bon Scottus are commemorated in their discovery place of Fremantle, Western Australia). Their most recent 7″ release is called ‘Play Ball’ and is the lead single from their 2014 record Rock Or Bust, known to correlated with another, related bust involving drummer Phil Rudd. Joanna Gruesome are a contemporary noise punk outfit formed in CARDIFF, WALES, in 2010 out of an anger management class. Now, we want you to carefully remove the record from its sleeve and place it on your turntable, with side A upwards. Apply power and needle as necessary. If this action produces a sound so hard rock it may as well be fossilised, congratulations, you are the proud new owner of a new AC/DC 7″ in the year 2014. Return it immediately and save your dignity. If the sound emitting from your speakers instead consists of rapid beats and chaotic guitar distortion reforming itself into a punky, poppy piece that worms itself straight into your head, then celebrate as this is ‘Psykick Espionage’, Joanna Gruesome’s first contribution to this split. The confused, alarming lyrics speak a language shared by Sonic Youth and Babes In Toyland, a no wave, third wave, mess of youth, aggression, mind control and flying saucers. If you’re lucky this song will segue almost perfectly into a I Hate Myself cover, ‘… And Keep Reaching For Those Stars’, with Alanna Gruesome’s breathless vocals lending a soft edge to an otherwise leaden nu-gaze rock fuzz.
STEP 3: THE PERFECT PUSSY Highly subjective. Urban Dictionary suggests that the defining characteristics of Perfect Pussy should be ‘juicy’, ‘tight’, ‘beautiful’, and ‘tanked up with caffeine’, and if you turn to side two you should find not just a tight, juicy, and beautiful track splitting with stimulants but the intimate, abrasive yells of Meredith Graves over Perfect Pussy’s noisy howl, a shifting, writhing animal of harm, vows, pain and fear named ‘Adult World (The Secret)’. If everything’s following so far you’ll now be treated by their dazed, traumatic track ‘A Leash Called Love’, a Sugarcubes cover featuring Svetlana Bilerman, meditation and advice on toxic relationships covering surf chords drowning in dirty fuzz and distortion. Slowly you’ll be pulled into a churning tunnel of hacked, glitching voice, throbbing bass and percussion like a seizing throat, dragged along the grooves of the record and through its microscopic notches to the fading, dreamlike transmissions at its close. Or you could just read the label, I guess.
If you don’t have the record, you can get it here at Captured Tracks.
